Thursday, March 5, 2009

In the moment.

I had a few 'moments' today. Good ones. Ones that I thought, this is it. This is your life. This is good. This is where I want to be. 

I started out the day - sleeping 16 more minutes than I was supposed to. I think that 'sleep in minutes' are similar to dog's years. 1 minute has got to be something like 1/2 hour or so - b/c even though it is only 16 minutes, it feels soooo good. After the sleep we went for a 'pull' - this pull consisted of me pulling the pups. Magnum is obsessed with eating all of the fresh soil that has been put down to cover up all the water pipe work they have been doing on our street this week. And Jozie, well she just is on her own agenda. She wants to keep walking - and needs to be pulled home. These pups get my up each morning, and although I sometimes gripe about them reducing my 'beauty' sleep - they start my day off in the right way. Fresh air! It let's me start the day off right and suck in that airy goodness. 

I stressed about Chris' passport all last night, and this morning - but I finally finished it today and now it just needs to be submitted. This passport is going to send (well not really - Babs' travels agency is doing that) on our trip - send us to a week of luxury - together. TOGETHER. Thursday is one of my favourite days - we actually get to see each other before 9PM. 

I was pampered by my gf Lynn and came home with lovely nails. It is such a treat to visit with her. She always helps me put things into perspective. She is kind, generous, fun and is the best listener. I HEART her.

I dropped off my application for the 5K - can't back out of it now. My first race. It's getting exciting. And then, for the event I was waiting for all day - a run. WHAT? Who said that? Who said that they were wanting to go for a run? Am I sick? No. NO! NO! I was looking forward to it. It was with my fave, Micki. We worked hard - we did our runs and then did 'hill drills' - and they weren't that hard tonight. Don't get me wrong, they weren't easy and my legs will feel like concrete blocks tomorrow, but they were really good. They pushed me - and I felt strong running up them. What a night! The air was crisp the stars were out. We ran in the dark over the trestle with rowing teams rowing beneath us. We were running because we wanted to. Because we needed it on this day. The rewards were endless tonight.

I have thought more and more about my comments the other night about the struggle and the emotions that I have when running, and I think that I might have pinned it down. The things that I do in my life that I love - cooking, gardening, decorating... I can do them on my own. No one needs to watch me - I just can do it at my own pace and create something that I love. I can start one way and finish it completely different than what I thought would happen. I have realized that at this point, that I can't - wait - cross that out - I can - but I don't TRUST myself to do it on my own; therefore, I have people that are there with me watching me put everything out that I have, doing all that I can do, giving all that I can give - and there is nothing to hide. I have found the people in my life that I am excited to share this journey with and who are there to genuinely support me. I know that it is impossible for me NOT to succeed. I will do it, I can do it, I am doing it. 

On my drive home tonight, I was wondering if we can really say that we can't do something unless we really try it? And how many times do we have to try it before we stop? I think that we all have struggles, but unless we really try them out and figure out what is holding us back, it's unfair to ourselves to say that we CAN'T do it. Let's remove "CAN'T" from our vocab - try everything - work hard at making what you want to do possible and ask for help for things that you are not sure you are able to do. We all have supporters everywhere we look - and we are supporters. We are invisible. 

I have to say - actually so super excited to say - that the recipes are coming in - and they all look so good!!!!! There is going to be some heavy duty cooking coming up. Don't forget, Saturday is the last day to submit - all recipes will be tried, tasted and true.

I need to end on a happy but sad note. At some point during my day, I had a moment. I came across our girl, Maggie. This picture means so much to me. The picture was taken with Maggie lying in our front door (of our old house) - we would always leave the door open when we were home and she would just lie there and watch the action. The picture was taken with my dad's camera - the manual camera that my mom had given him for a wedding gift. I loved that camera.  I still do, just haven't used it too much. It was my first time using a black and white film. I love this picture. It is our wee Maggs. We miss her so much. She is still a big part of our life and we are blessed to know that she knew she was loved. Enjoy this picture - and for those who knew our wee Maggs, know that she loved you so.

Good night, sweet friends.

Friday is here - and the weekend is looking oh so good. Get your list ready of things to do for yourself. 




Jenny said...

I struggle with giving up before I actually try. It's odd actually. I used to not be afraid of trying,but now I talk myself out of things. That's the biggest struggle...going out and doing it. You have motivated me...gotta get this big ol' butt moving....

Beth said...

I didn't go to the gym tonight. I could give you the excuses, some of which were actual, legitimate REASONS, but nevertheless - I could have made it work, and didn't, and feel a bit disappointed that I let tiredness, fear etc. have its way with me tonight. BUT, I was productive - I made BBQ chicken and spaghetti and packaged it all up for lunches. I cleaned my kitchen, I did a load of laundry, I left this comment (heh) and I did go to the gym twice this week, which is twice more than the past 4 months or so. It's okay to stumble sometimes - just get back up and keep walking.

Also, I loved Maggie. I secretly think she even didn't mind when I used her as a footrest, even if she grumbled old-lady noises at me.


Anonymous said...

Maggie of my very faves! They don't come better than that..they really don't! I loved the howl!
Run Shirley will make it and we will all be so proud. So proud you tried something new, conquered fears, dreamt big and DID IT!
Beautiful are the inspiring one, the beautiful one...i didn't even know you had the word CAN't in your vocab (oh..except for Trampolines :))
happy friday to You from Merville