Monday, March 22, 2010

The Perfect Woman.

p e r f e c t

Who is she?
What does she look like?

Do you ever wonder? Just sit and wonder what kind of woman can work 40 hours a week, run a household, take care of a family, take care of herself, exercise and everything else?

I had a bit of a 'moment' on my way home from work today. I am feeling overwhelmed. I feel like almost every aspect of my life is overwhelming. I know that this shall pass - I know that there is a silver lining - and I know that I am in a tunnel and I can see the light, but in the moment or moments it just seems a bit much.

Today - I am just feeling like there is too much chaos my life. My house is a bit of a zoo - I just feel as though I can't keep on top of it. The kitchen is clean and tidy one minute and at the end of the day - it looks like we are in the middle of a 5 course meal and no clean up has been done. My yard - spring is here - and it looks like a herd of cows could come in and graze for a week. I love cows - would love them to come and graze - but only if I invite them and not b/c I can't find a moment to cut the grass!

On my way home from work - it just all kind of hit me. For years, many years, I have done everything for everyone: made sure that the house was tidy, the dishes were always done, dinners were cooked, laundry was taken care of, dogs walked... The only thing that wasn't being taken care of was me. And now, I am doing things for myself - for my health - and now I feel that all this stuff that I used to be on top of, is just not possible. I just feel as though I can't balance it. 


I know that I can't give up taking care of myself. I am so blessed to have an incredible partner that wants me to be healthy and do things for me - so he lives with a messy house, he lives with doing all the laundry and never ever complains. 

I miss the days when I would have the pups walked, dinner on the table, dishes done, laundry put away, the house spotless and then time to sit on my Royal Canadian and watch tv. Part of me misses those days - but then I love the fact that I have a busy life, that I am getting healthy and doing now what I should have done many years ago.


I need to find that balance. I could hear a thousand times that it isn't important - but it is important to me. I take pride in my house and right now I am just not feeling proud. 

So as I struggle - I know that if someone came and told me that they were having issues with finding balance in their life, I would say 'Do what you need to do. Find out what is important for you and take care of what will make you feel better. If there is someone that can help or there is anything that can help you, then find that.' I know that it is always easier said than done.

I am searching for balance. I am searching for a life without chaos. I am searching for a life where health is my priority. I am searching for balance.

Sweet treat.

I felt like a sweet treat tonight. I think that I have found the perfect sweet. I am excited to share this. I am hoping that sharing this sweet treat will make up for my sharing from above - that was quite the story.

Yogurt with maple syrup - sitting atop of my new Kraft Kitchens magazine

I love plain yogurt - love it. I love Olympic plain yogurt and I have found a huge fondness for Safeway's O (organic) brand. Anyways, my secret for a dessert that replaces whipped cream or ice cream - is to add a tablespoon of maple syrup to the yogurt - mix well and serve with fresh fruit. 

I have been adding 1 tablespoon of maple syrup to 1 cup of yogurt. I have served it over fresh strawberries, and I am in love. 

Alright, if you happen to find balance - please tell me where and how you found it. You can tell 'her' that I am looking for her - and send her my way!




Jenny said...

I'm still looking for balance. I think that if it appears that "the perfect woman" has it all, chances are she doesn't. It bugs me that my floors need to be swept, my bathrooms needs to be scrubbed, but in the big frame of "life", this is not what matters. If I were to die tomorrow, you can rest assured that I won't be complaining that I didn't get to clean the!
I think imperfection is beauty. It's real. That's what I have aimed for.
It's really hard managing it all, but do the best you can, and that's all you can do. I think you are pretty close to being perfect. You are a beautiful, intelligent, funny, loving and creative woman. You are conquering your goals and your fears. Hell, you seem to have it going for you!! Keep up the good work!!

Anonymous said...

I have been where you are at, and thought tht nothing would ever be the same again, my time wasn't my own, with three kids to drive around, dinners to make, work and trying to ckeep the laundry and cooking up, ioften felt that I wa a failure, and then you kids would come along, and it was all worth it, if you you need me to help, you know where I am.
Love youlots, mom

Beth said...

Wow Cherzy...this is exactly what I was trying to express to you the other day that made me have a mini-breakdown and fall apart crying at my training session on Thursday. You and I are experiencing similar struggles. BUT, the reason is that we are both undertaking big lifestyle changes, and of course parts of us are resistant after so many years of different choices.

I took Friday (the day after said meltdown) off from the gym. Reluctantly. I felt anxious about it. I felt like it was a step in the wrong direction, that I was giving up, giving in. But the truth is, I really, really needed a day for me, to relax, to enjoy. I did some errands that were overdue. I went to Old Navy and London Drugs and shopped. I did some laundry. I watched a few episodes of the cop show I am currently enjoying. I made healthy, leisurely food choices, and was so, so grateful for the night off to destress and decompress and enjoy.

And what I realized was - this is my LIFE now. I want exercise and healthy eating to be a part of my routine and my life forever. So really, taking a night off, when I really, really need it, is okay. It isn't the end of the world. It doesn't make me fall behind some imaginary, arbitrary, great golden schedule in the sky. I can do that. And I woke up Saturday feeling great - and had a fabulous workout first thing.

Breathe easy, and be gentle with yourself. You are doing big, important, beautiful and healthy things for yourself, and this is a gradual process. Take time, remind yourself you're wonderful and do what you can. There is balance between pushing yourself to try bigger, better, faster things that challenge you - and still taking time to process everything you're going through. You'll find it. Love you. <3