Friday, August 13, 2010

Eating, Praying, Loving

I am just home from the movie 'Eat, Pray, Love'. 

I haven't read the book. Although my sister has been trying to get me to read it for forever, and my friend Tracy brought it to me this week so that I could try and read it before tonight. I will read the book now. I will start this weekend.

Do you know the feeling when you come out of a good movie, or when you have read something, or heard someone speak, and you just can't stop thinking about what just occurred and how it in some way relates to everything else that is happening in your world, right at that specific moment? Reflection . It's reflection(Tracy summed it up). I am always in awe - almost like I believe that it shouldn't happen - that something like that can give me the power that I need to reflect on my life; What's surrounding me at this moment; The people that are in my life. 

I think, that when this does happen, that I almost have some form of guilt that I am making something else inspire me to reflect on my life. Am I not strong enough to do that myself? Do I need some form of social media to help me try and figure out who I am, what I want and where I should be? I feel, that I should say 'no'. I think that I need to not be so hard on myself. I think that I need to embrace these moments regardless of how often they occur, how long they last, and just breathe them in. And then absorb them. 

Ok, I have written that, and I still have guilt. Guilt is a useless emotion. Chris has taught me that. It's true, I think. It is really - why should we have guilt? We make choices and we have to be responsible for them. I think that we can have regrets, but guilt is too consuming, too painful, too hurtful.

I think that I am reflecting. 

There was a line in the movie - and I said it over and over again so I wouldn't forget it. But, I did. It was something like 'modes of transformation'. I think that I need to watch it again to remember the line. But it just grabbed me. To me, I thought, there are so many moments in our lives that transform us to who we are, where we are and why. Transformation. It can only be a good thing. 

I have left that movie - and I feel a bit emotional. I want transformation. I don't want the kind of transformation of changing my hair colour and wearing a size 10 (although that would be nice). I need to find a journey that is going to transform me into the most healthy and beautiful person on the inside and out that I want to be. I know what I need to do, but I am scared, I am afraid, I am cautious. But, I am loved, strong and not alone. I am the only one that is not allowing any sort of transformation to begin. 

Well, not a recipe for today, but maybe some 'food for thought'. Really I am not a fan of that saying, mostly because I don't really know what it means. 




Anonymous said...

You are already a beautiful person, inside and out, so what if you are not a size 10. Love you, mom

rashmi said...

I luv Jules...her post made me laugh, such a mom thing to say "so what your not a size 10" She's just all love!!! Miss u both soooo much, more now that I'm trying to catch up on reading your Blogs...they r a grrrreat read n your recipes n pics r amaaaazing! You should publish a book...just saying:):):)